No more high school! After my leavers assembly next week I can walk out of those gates and never look back.
Though now I think about it, I couldn't wait to see the end of Primary school and then spent the next three years wishing I could go back to being eleven again. So maybe this isn't going to be any different.
Anyway enough with the pleasantries. The most hilarious thing has happened to me the other day. A couple of Bible preachers came to my door and after leaving them there for ten minutes (forgetting that they had seen me enter my house) I went and said hey. They opened with 'Thank you for opening the door'
....Because the ability to open the door is something so special, and you're thanking me after I blatantly left you outside for ten minutes?
Then they go 'Have you found Jesus?' my first thought was 'Why? Have you lost him?' the looks on their faces will stay with me forever I think XD
They asked me if my parents were in because they wanted to sell us some bibles. Now I would take all this in good nature, spend maybe fifteen minutes mocking them, and then send them on their way. Whereas my father (the only one in the house with me at the time) would more likely jab them with something sharp and slam the door in their faces.
I told them this, and they looked at me dumbly. Then I told them I was Gay and all Hell broke loose. The moment the words left my lips their passiveness vanished.
"You need Jesus!"
"God be with you child!"
Give it a rest you delusional twerps. You are more out of your minds than I am. Do you know there's a medical term for people who see and believe in things that aren't really there: Mentally insane.
One of my favorite lines from House M.D is:
Nun: Sister Augustine tends to believe in things that aren't real
House: I thought that was a job requirement for you people?
My favorite line is: Another life saved by girl on girl action. But that's totally unrelated.
Kebby x
Wednesday 22 June 2011
Wednesday 15 June 2011
Keb Vs. Life 15/06/11
Political correctness. Political correctness and Health and Safety. The definitions of these phrases are as follows:
Health and safety:
Telling us not to do the things our parents and common sense should have taught us - and then some.
Political correctness:
Making it three times as hard to explain anything. "I knew this black woman.... I mean this African-American none male... I mean vagina wielding African-American civilian."
Dude, I can't call you black, even though you are, because it might 'offend you' seriously? I don't get offended when people call me a lesbian, do you know why? Because I am a lesbian. Even if they say it as an insult, you shouldn't take it as one, because it's not an insult if it's true!
People seem to get 'insult' and 'description of self' mixed up. How? I'll never know.
But why? Where did this come from? It came from someone who decided to make a law about offending people. When I was little and I go offended this was my parents response: 'Wahhhh he called me an idiot.' 'Katie, you are an idiot, get over it'
Everyone gets offended by different things, what offends you, might not offend me, and so on. How do you make a law out of that? What happens if you get offended? Absolutely nothing. It's not like you get offended and the next day you wake up with cancer!
I went on a school trip once a couple years ago, and all the teachers who went get this nifty little piece of paper with the health and safety rules and regula-crap. On the list was 'Do not climb on the 8th story banister'
Really? It's just what I had planned to do on this trip where we were limited to the first three floors and the balcony doors were all locked. Oh damn, ruined my plans for the day.
*Facepalm*
Another ridicules phrase? Terms and Conditions.
Whoever says they have read the terms and conditions are LYING. They are bare faced, obvious, crappy liars. The only reason websites have them is because it's the law to do so, so if you're stupid enough to click a link that is quite obviously a virus you can't sue the website.
That's another thing, people seem to think they can sue other people because of their own stupidity. My mom works at Sainsbury's and she once had a customer come in and complain. What was the complaint? 'I spilled the orange juice all over me when I opened it, I demand you get me a new orange juice for free'
Let me think about that.... no.
Why, just why would you think they would actually go and give you a free orange juice because you failed to do what I learned to do when I was seven?
The human race never ceases to amaze me.
Kebby x
Health and safety:
Telling us not to do the things our parents and common sense should have taught us - and then some.
Political correctness:
Making it three times as hard to explain anything. "I knew this black woman.... I mean this African-American none male... I mean vagina wielding African-American civilian."
Dude, I can't call you black, even though you are, because it might 'offend you' seriously? I don't get offended when people call me a lesbian, do you know why? Because I am a lesbian. Even if they say it as an insult, you shouldn't take it as one, because it's not an insult if it's true!
People seem to get 'insult' and 'description of self' mixed up. How? I'll never know.
But why? Where did this come from? It came from someone who decided to make a law about offending people. When I was little and I go offended this was my parents response: 'Wahhhh he called me an idiot.' 'Katie, you are an idiot, get over it'
Everyone gets offended by different things, what offends you, might not offend me, and so on. How do you make a law out of that? What happens if you get offended? Absolutely nothing. It's not like you get offended and the next day you wake up with cancer!
I went on a school trip once a couple years ago, and all the teachers who went get this nifty little piece of paper with the health and safety rules and regula-crap. On the list was 'Do not climb on the 8th story banister'
Really? It's just what I had planned to do on this trip where we were limited to the first three floors and the balcony doors were all locked. Oh damn, ruined my plans for the day.
*Facepalm*
Another ridicules phrase? Terms and Conditions.
Whoever says they have read the terms and conditions are LYING. They are bare faced, obvious, crappy liars. The only reason websites have them is because it's the law to do so, so if you're stupid enough to click a link that is quite obviously a virus you can't sue the website.
That's another thing, people seem to think they can sue other people because of their own stupidity. My mom works at Sainsbury's and she once had a customer come in and complain. What was the complaint? 'I spilled the orange juice all over me when I opened it, I demand you get me a new orange juice for free'
Let me think about that.... no.
Why, just why would you think they would actually go and give you a free orange juice because you failed to do what I learned to do when I was seven?
The human race never ceases to amaze me.
Kebby x
Tuesday 7 June 2011
Keb Vs. Life 07/06/11
I found a list of the top ten medical symptoms you should never ignore. Number three was 'Sudden blindness'
Not only does this thoroughly enforce my philosophy that the general public are morons, but it also tells me that some high and mighty Doctor type person either believes the same or proves that it's not just that the general public morons, but so are high and mighty fancy and supposedly smart people.
Just imagine *you go suddenly blind* 'Oh my God who turned out the lights? Well no worries, don't make a fuss, it's probably nothing'
*Headdesk*
Let's not forget, if you were moronic enough to ignore sudden blindness you wouldn't be able to read the top ten list of symptoms you shouldn't ignore, then you would be in a bit of a pickle wouldn't you XD
So my topic for today, as you may have seen, is 'Health'
Now I'm not going to sit and preach to you about the Do's and Don't's of a healthy lifestyle, because let's face it, I'm not the healthiest person ever, I once had McDonalds for Breakfast, Lunch AND Dinner.
I am however going to complain long and hard (heh heh heh ;D) about people who choose to smoke and do drugs, there's no sense to it really, it's not clever, and it's not cool, and you're going to ruin your life.
For one smoking smells revolting for everyone around you. Do you know what bad smalls do? They make you loose all your friends, it is for this reason why you should shower more often -you smell.... really bad (this is directed at someone but shush ;))
Second smoking is really crazy expensive. I mean three years ago my mom quit smoking and we paid for a holiday for four to Spain only a few months later with the money she would have used to smoke with. Plus if you can't legally buy your own smokes there's the hint you moron you shouldn't be doing it.
Drugs, now drugs I have a real problem. Saying yes to taking drugs is like saying yes to a large man smacking your immune system repeatedly with a pinata stick. A pinata stick with spikes and tiny bombs that explode on impact.
Still not convinced?
Okay imagine this: someone has the nerve to dress me up, do my hair, and make up, and puts me in high heels. Imagine them making me go clothes shopping and cooing over boys.
Got that image?
Now, for those who know me, I would do to that person, what drugs will do to your life. If you do not know me, this means I would put them in a sack, tie the top of the sack up, hang them from a tree, beat them with sticks, throw knives at the sack, use it to practice my aim with my cross bow, make a circuit and electrocute the bag and finish off by decapitating the mangled corpse.
Consider this also a warning for anyone who wants to 'girl me up'
I'm a pure bred dyke. Deal with it.
Kebby x
P.S emailness is calling you, answer it.
Not only does this thoroughly enforce my philosophy that the general public are morons, but it also tells me that some high and mighty Doctor type person either believes the same or proves that it's not just that the general public morons, but so are high and mighty fancy and supposedly smart people.
Just imagine *you go suddenly blind* 'Oh my God who turned out the lights? Well no worries, don't make a fuss, it's probably nothing'
*Headdesk*
Let's not forget, if you were moronic enough to ignore sudden blindness you wouldn't be able to read the top ten list of symptoms you shouldn't ignore, then you would be in a bit of a pickle wouldn't you XD
So my topic for today, as you may have seen, is 'Health'
Now I'm not going to sit and preach to you about the Do's and Don't's of a healthy lifestyle, because let's face it, I'm not the healthiest person ever, I once had McDonalds for Breakfast, Lunch AND Dinner.
I am however going to complain long and hard (heh heh heh ;D) about people who choose to smoke and do drugs, there's no sense to it really, it's not clever, and it's not cool, and you're going to ruin your life.
For one smoking smells revolting for everyone around you. Do you know what bad smalls do? They make you loose all your friends, it is for this reason why you should shower more often -you smell.... really bad (this is directed at someone but shush ;))
Second smoking is really crazy expensive. I mean three years ago my mom quit smoking and we paid for a holiday for four to Spain only a few months later with the money she would have used to smoke with. Plus if you can't legally buy your own smokes there's the hint you moron you shouldn't be doing it.
Drugs, now drugs I have a real problem. Saying yes to taking drugs is like saying yes to a large man smacking your immune system repeatedly with a pinata stick. A pinata stick with spikes and tiny bombs that explode on impact.
Still not convinced?
Okay imagine this: someone has the nerve to dress me up, do my hair, and make up, and puts me in high heels. Imagine them making me go clothes shopping and cooing over boys.
Got that image?
Now, for those who know me, I would do to that person, what drugs will do to your life. If you do not know me, this means I would put them in a sack, tie the top of the sack up, hang them from a tree, beat them with sticks, throw knives at the sack, use it to practice my aim with my cross bow, make a circuit and electrocute the bag and finish off by decapitating the mangled corpse.
Consider this also a warning for anyone who wants to 'girl me up'
I'm a pure bred dyke. Deal with it.
Kebby x
P.S emailness is calling you, answer it.
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